The dilemma of having to choose between those sick ass beats and my dignity as a woman. Whatevs.

There are many things in life which I enjoy. I like good car shows, barbeque, sushi, waffles, sushi on my waffles (yes really), cartoons, commercials (also yes really) and going to the park to meet the pets of strangers. I also like rap music. 

For a little context, I am a 29 year old white woman from Norther Nevada, currently living in Las Vegas. I have literally nothing in common with rap culture and I think I actually understand very little of the lingo used in the genre, but nonetheless, I do enjoy a good beat and a smooth rhyme. There is something fantastically visceral and expressive about the medium of rap music and I have very gradually become a fan over the years. 

At the end of a long workday, when I am all stressed out and feeling some aimless, vague rage that comes with fatigue and the daily grind, I like to turn up the volume on some West Side Connection, Digital Underground, or Mix-A-Lot during my long commute home. This is America and I am entitled to listen to whatever media I like inside my own car, but, nevertheless, it does come with certain problems.

First, there is the windows down issue. If I have the windows rolled down in my car and Ice Cube at full volume, it does tend to get a little attention at a red light. Ordinarily I could give a shit about that, but occasionally I do get shouted at for being a "fucking poser white bitch"---whatever that means. I assure you, I am not posing, I do enjoy the music I am listening to, that is why I purchased it and am listening to it in my car. And, while it is rare, I have been threatened a couple of times for not noticing when I was driving with my music on, windows down and accidentally wandered into North Las Vegas. If you don't live in Vegas, then you most likely are not aware that there is a city which borders us on the North Side called North Las Vegas. It is its own municipality with its own mayor and everything. It is known for having the highest rates of poverty, drug use, criminal activity, gang violence and homicide in the Las Vegas Valley. I was once threatened at a red light for playing "the wrong muthafukkin hip-hop in this muthafukkin neighborhood", and it was implied that this was an offence which could earn me a fatal gunshot wound. Whatever is a girl to do?

I just want to say that what a person listens to on their radio while they run their errands should not ever be grounds for murder. Didn't figure that actually needed to be said, but here we are.

Next, there is the attack from within. I will be enjoying the beats, the flow and get lost in the narrative, just in time be reminded that "bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks", or something similar. It is an odd phenomena to me that so often the first item of business in the hip-hop narrative is for a man to firmly establish his dominance over and supremacy to all women. If it has to be said that forcefully, that often, me thinks there might be some confidence issues... Also, it can get aggravating to be in the middle of enjoying something catchy for a while, only to suddenly feel personally attacked by the artists which I am a fan of just for being a woman. Seriously, if I want rap music that doesn't glorify pimping, cheating and general violence against women, I have to go to Macklemore, and come the fuck on! It's alright enough to listen to, but most often after one or two Macklemore songs I start to feel like I am listening to the Kidz Bop version of rap music. It's no fun!

So these are my complaints. I don't expect them to be reconciled by contemporary rap artists anytime soon (or ever), but I just wanted to put these thoughts out there. Am I the only dorky white girl who enjoys gangster rap while driving? Have you ever gotten serious hate for the music you listen to? Any interesting death threats? Please comment below, I would love to hear the experiences of others.