The legalization of a possible remedy and what happened yesterday.
Warning! This post contains graphic descriptions of menstrual distress and the discussion of drugs which are now legal to consume n the state of Nevada.
Yesterday I had a surprise day off from work in the middle of the week. My homeschooling student wasn't feeling well and so his parents cancelled school. This doesn't happen often, but when it does I like to make the most out of the day and try to be as productive as possible. I have been intending to use some old rope I had laying around to make my first attempt at a rope rug for my shop and so at 7:30am, I busted out the rope, my hot glue gun, and the Netflix and got to some early morning crafting. It was really wonderful to sit, enjoy my iced coffee that I would usually be trying to drink as fast as possible on the freeway on my way to work and to just do some mindless craft work. That kind of crafting is on the short list of things that actually relax me (sex, laughing, crafting, eating is pretty much the whole list). So there I am, working on my new little craft project, watching bad television, just as happy as I can be when it hits me: a menstrual cramp so sudden and so severe that it folded me in half and shoved my stomach up into my throat. And I was having such a good morning!
Historically, my cramps have been real show stoppers. I have been literally brought to my knees in a grocery store, I have at time experienced cramps so severe that I have thrown up or seen stars. every single cycle always feels like it is the end of the road for me, that I won't survive it. I have seen many different doctors over the years and been prescribed everything from high dose ibuprofen to serious narcotic pain killers, none of which really seem to help at all. the only thing that has ever helped in the past has been marijuana. But, being that it has until recently been illegal, I have only consumed it when a friend offered, or when I was so desperate for relief that I took the risk to go out into the world and acquire it, something I very much dislike doing and as a result it has been quite some time since I had any.
Well, when my husband woke up to find my in tears on the sofa, he said, "you know, it is legal now, how about we go find a dispensary and see if someone there can make a recommendation for something that can help you? It is dumb to sit here and suffer when the solution is now legal." I reluctantly agreed to go with him to find a dispensary. We went to the nearest one we knew of. the building was gorgeous, the staff was knowledgeable and friendly. I remarked to the woman that helped me "this is SO much nicer than having to go buy in a shady dangerous parking lot" and she responded with "oh yeah, and it is so much nicer for me than having to sell in a shady, dangerous parking lot!" We had a nice giggle together about that and then I explained to her my problem. Without hesitation, she advised me to purchase a pre-rolled joint of a strain called Kosher Dog, a heavy indica strain bred specifically for its potent pain relieving properties. She also advised that I try another pre-rolled joint of 24K, a 60% indica dominant hybrid, also known to relax muscles very effectively.
The experience of purchasing marijuana from a legal dispensary was lovely! The staff answered every question I had, provided information to answer questions I didn't even think of asking, everything I bought came with a print out of its specific cannibinoid contents, and best of all, I felt SAFE! It was beyond wonderful. We left and I was very eager to get home and try this new remedy. When we got home, I got a salmon fillet out of the freezer, prepped a foil pack braise for it, got it in the oven and made a salad. When my salad was all prepped and my salmon was cooking nicely, I lit up the Kosher Dog joint. The flavor was very mild and almost sweet, and with tolerance I was quickly putting the joint out after only 3 drags. I sat down on the sofa and watched a little TV with my husband, waiting for my salmon to be ready. After about twenty minutes, I got up to go check on my lunch when my husband asked me "hey baby, how are you feeling," right away I said "fine." He asked me "and how is your knee?" referring to my left knee which was mangled in a motor sport accident a few years ago and nearly constantly pains me, I said "the knee is doing OK right now" and finally he asked, "and baby how is your mood right now," now that one I had to think about because (and if you read this blog you already know) I have been struggling with anxiety and depression lately, the scale and scope of which has left me utterly without hope or reprieve. After a full minute of checking in on myself I looked at him and told him "I feel OK. I don;t feel sad or scared, I am just happy to be with you and to have a day off. I feel OK."
This may not seem like a big deal to you, but feeling OK is not something that comes easily for me. In fact, feeling OK is my life's mission because I spend the majority of my time buried in miserable anxiety that isolates me from everything and everyone that I love. This is something I have been fighting for years, but it has gotten particularly unbearable in the last two years. the realization that I fell OK, just actually OK, not a manic spike of over the top anxious joy, but just plain OK, like I was having a good day and was ready to handle tomorrow was so much relief that I started to cry for a moment. My husband smiled and said "OK baby, can we just quit trying to fix you with painkillers, then? If this works for you, and it looks like it does, then you should just start smoking again. You are happy, productive and healthy when you are smoking and it is legal now so there is nothing for you to worry about or feel bad about. Can you just smoke again? I mean, if you want to, of course." I could see the look of relief on his face. How long had it been since my husband looked at me and saw me calm, saw my not in a state of panic? How long had this wonderful man been standing beside me, watching me suffer and been feeling this powerless to help me? How long? I couldn't say for sure, and when I asked him he couldn't tell me anything other than, "it has been a long time, baby, and I have been so worried about you. I just don't know how to help. I love you and if this helps I will drive you to the dispensary every single day. I don't give a fuck, just so long as you are healthy and feeling OK. What every works. And it looks like this works." We talked for a little while longer about things. About the cost (it is expensive!). About the side effects. About how it will affect our lifestyle and our lives together. About a lot of things. We came to the conclusion that this is a reasonable and safe way for me to take care of myself without having to turn to psychoactive medications like Xanax or Zoloft, and we discussed the wonderful possibility of me being able to give up the Norco that I have been taking most nights to deal with the pain caused by my mangled knee and back. With all the pros and cons laid out, it was an easy choice. Moving forward I will be trying to manage my complex of issues with marijuana rather than with the pharmaceuticals that have failed me so miserably over the years.
I hugged my husband, when to the over and retrieved my salmon fillet. I threw it on top of my salad and annihilated it because in addition to every other benefit, I also had my appetite back! YAY!!
Following this post there will be many posts in the future about the strains I try, the details about each strain, and my personal experiences with them, as well as the regular posts about my life. If you are reading and have anything to add or any questions, please feel free to comment.
Yesterday I had a surprise day off from work in the middle of the week. My homeschooling student wasn't feeling well and so his parents cancelled school. This doesn't happen often, but when it does I like to make the most out of the day and try to be as productive as possible. I have been intending to use some old rope I had laying around to make my first attempt at a rope rug for my shop and so at 7:30am, I busted out the rope, my hot glue gun, and the Netflix and got to some early morning crafting. It was really wonderful to sit, enjoy my iced coffee that I would usually be trying to drink as fast as possible on the freeway on my way to work and to just do some mindless craft work. That kind of crafting is on the short list of things that actually relax me (sex, laughing, crafting, eating is pretty much the whole list). So there I am, working on my new little craft project, watching bad television, just as happy as I can be when it hits me: a menstrual cramp so sudden and so severe that it folded me in half and shoved my stomach up into my throat. And I was having such a good morning!
Historically, my cramps have been real show stoppers. I have been literally brought to my knees in a grocery store, I have at time experienced cramps so severe that I have thrown up or seen stars. every single cycle always feels like it is the end of the road for me, that I won't survive it. I have seen many different doctors over the years and been prescribed everything from high dose ibuprofen to serious narcotic pain killers, none of which really seem to help at all. the only thing that has ever helped in the past has been marijuana. But, being that it has until recently been illegal, I have only consumed it when a friend offered, or when I was so desperate for relief that I took the risk to go out into the world and acquire it, something I very much dislike doing and as a result it has been quite some time since I had any.
Well, when my husband woke up to find my in tears on the sofa, he said, "you know, it is legal now, how about we go find a dispensary and see if someone there can make a recommendation for something that can help you? It is dumb to sit here and suffer when the solution is now legal." I reluctantly agreed to go with him to find a dispensary. We went to the nearest one we knew of. the building was gorgeous, the staff was knowledgeable and friendly. I remarked to the woman that helped me "this is SO much nicer than having to go buy in a shady dangerous parking lot" and she responded with "oh yeah, and it is so much nicer for me than having to sell in a shady, dangerous parking lot!" We had a nice giggle together about that and then I explained to her my problem. Without hesitation, she advised me to purchase a pre-rolled joint of a strain called Kosher Dog, a heavy indica strain bred specifically for its potent pain relieving properties. She also advised that I try another pre-rolled joint of 24K, a 60% indica dominant hybrid, also known to relax muscles very effectively.
The experience of purchasing marijuana from a legal dispensary was lovely! The staff answered every question I had, provided information to answer questions I didn't even think of asking, everything I bought came with a print out of its specific cannibinoid contents, and best of all, I felt SAFE! It was beyond wonderful. We left and I was very eager to get home and try this new remedy. When we got home, I got a salmon fillet out of the freezer, prepped a foil pack braise for it, got it in the oven and made a salad. When my salad was all prepped and my salmon was cooking nicely, I lit up the Kosher Dog joint. The flavor was very mild and almost sweet, and with tolerance I was quickly putting the joint out after only 3 drags. I sat down on the sofa and watched a little TV with my husband, waiting for my salmon to be ready. After about twenty minutes, I got up to go check on my lunch when my husband asked me "hey baby, how are you feeling," right away I said "fine." He asked me "and how is your knee?" referring to my left knee which was mangled in a motor sport accident a few years ago and nearly constantly pains me, I said "the knee is doing OK right now" and finally he asked, "and baby how is your mood right now," now that one I had to think about because (and if you read this blog you already know) I have been struggling with anxiety and depression lately, the scale and scope of which has left me utterly without hope or reprieve. After a full minute of checking in on myself I looked at him and told him "I feel OK. I don;t feel sad or scared, I am just happy to be with you and to have a day off. I feel OK."
This may not seem like a big deal to you, but feeling OK is not something that comes easily for me. In fact, feeling OK is my life's mission because I spend the majority of my time buried in miserable anxiety that isolates me from everything and everyone that I love. This is something I have been fighting for years, but it has gotten particularly unbearable in the last two years. the realization that I fell OK, just actually OK, not a manic spike of over the top anxious joy, but just plain OK, like I was having a good day and was ready to handle tomorrow was so much relief that I started to cry for a moment. My husband smiled and said "OK baby, can we just quit trying to fix you with painkillers, then? If this works for you, and it looks like it does, then you should just start smoking again. You are happy, productive and healthy when you are smoking and it is legal now so there is nothing for you to worry about or feel bad about. Can you just smoke again? I mean, if you want to, of course." I could see the look of relief on his face. How long had it been since my husband looked at me and saw me calm, saw my not in a state of panic? How long had this wonderful man been standing beside me, watching me suffer and been feeling this powerless to help me? How long? I couldn't say for sure, and when I asked him he couldn't tell me anything other than, "it has been a long time, baby, and I have been so worried about you. I just don't know how to help. I love you and if this helps I will drive you to the dispensary every single day. I don't give a fuck, just so long as you are healthy and feeling OK. What every works. And it looks like this works." We talked for a little while longer about things. About the cost (it is expensive!). About the side effects. About how it will affect our lifestyle and our lives together. About a lot of things. We came to the conclusion that this is a reasonable and safe way for me to take care of myself without having to turn to psychoactive medications like Xanax or Zoloft, and we discussed the wonderful possibility of me being able to give up the Norco that I have been taking most nights to deal with the pain caused by my mangled knee and back. With all the pros and cons laid out, it was an easy choice. Moving forward I will be trying to manage my complex of issues with marijuana rather than with the pharmaceuticals that have failed me so miserably over the years.
I hugged my husband, when to the over and retrieved my salmon fillet. I threw it on top of my salad and annihilated it because in addition to every other benefit, I also had my appetite back! YAY!!
Following this post there will be many posts in the future about the strains I try, the details about each strain, and my personal experiences with them, as well as the regular posts about my life. If you are reading and have anything to add or any questions, please feel free to comment.
Comments
Post a Comment