The anxiety of vacation
I have some days off coming up and they happen to fall on my husband's birthday so we have elected to go out of town and head north to go see me family. While we are there we plan to do many things, including going for a camping trip for part of our vacation together. I absolutely LOVE camping and I have not been in many years so I am very much looking forward to it, but when it comes to planning a trip out of town, I have mixed feelings.
There is of course the excitement of a change in the routine and getting to go do fun things while not working, but here I am, three days and a wake up from our departure date, and I am already exhausted just thinking about everything that needs to be done. There is also the anxiety of visiting my family. My husband is gracious enough to agree to spend his birthday trip with his in-laws, but I can already sense tension surrounding the idea. My family and my husband are VERY different people (a big part of why I love him so much!), and in the past there has been friction, which is putting it lightly. I get anxious when I think of how much control I don;t have over the words and actions of others and I just don't want any drama of any kind, but I cannot say for sure that there won;t be any and that terrifies me.
The next fear is my fear of being away from home. It is very difficult for me to sleep anyplace other than my own bed, so I know I have some restless, sleepless nights ahead of me. I get tired just thinking about it. Then there is being away from my home in general. A funny thing about anxiety is that you can't stand to be at home and you feel like climbing the walls to try and escape, but then the instant you are outside, all you can think about is how badly you want to run right back in.
Lastly is the finances. We have never had much money, like so many American households, ours is run from paycheck to paycheck, so we are going to be doing this trip on a shoestring budget. Being of low-income does not mean that you don't deserve time off, that you don't deserve a vacation, and in fact, I am sure that low-income families need vacations just as much if not more than those from the wealthier places in society, but it is still stressful. I am wracking my brains trying to think of ways to save money on this trip. (if you have any experience or tips for vacationing on a budget, please do share them in the comments of this post, because I would love some advice!).
All of these things are adding up to some pretty intense feelings of anxiety about something that I should just be happy and excited about, but I'm just not. I mean, happiness and excitement are present for me, I am not just sitting around totally dreading my upcoming road trip, but fear and anxiety have a certain way of stealing the joy from things, of taking the sweetness out of life and that makes me sad and a little angry with myself. Just another facet of the experience of a person with generalized anxiety disorder. But I do have the support of my husband which makes everything better and a new method of treatment in the form of my Rove pen (see previous post for details, and please do read it if you personally suffer from chronic pain or anxiety because what i found was LIFE CHANGING).
As always, if you have an experience you would like to share or advice for any of the things mentioned here, please do comment on this post and I WILL answer promptly.
There is of course the excitement of a change in the routine and getting to go do fun things while not working, but here I am, three days and a wake up from our departure date, and I am already exhausted just thinking about everything that needs to be done. There is also the anxiety of visiting my family. My husband is gracious enough to agree to spend his birthday trip with his in-laws, but I can already sense tension surrounding the idea. My family and my husband are VERY different people (a big part of why I love him so much!), and in the past there has been friction, which is putting it lightly. I get anxious when I think of how much control I don;t have over the words and actions of others and I just don't want any drama of any kind, but I cannot say for sure that there won;t be any and that terrifies me.
The next fear is my fear of being away from home. It is very difficult for me to sleep anyplace other than my own bed, so I know I have some restless, sleepless nights ahead of me. I get tired just thinking about it. Then there is being away from my home in general. A funny thing about anxiety is that you can't stand to be at home and you feel like climbing the walls to try and escape, but then the instant you are outside, all you can think about is how badly you want to run right back in.
Lastly is the finances. We have never had much money, like so many American households, ours is run from paycheck to paycheck, so we are going to be doing this trip on a shoestring budget. Being of low-income does not mean that you don't deserve time off, that you don't deserve a vacation, and in fact, I am sure that low-income families need vacations just as much if not more than those from the wealthier places in society, but it is still stressful. I am wracking my brains trying to think of ways to save money on this trip. (if you have any experience or tips for vacationing on a budget, please do share them in the comments of this post, because I would love some advice!).
All of these things are adding up to some pretty intense feelings of anxiety about something that I should just be happy and excited about, but I'm just not. I mean, happiness and excitement are present for me, I am not just sitting around totally dreading my upcoming road trip, but fear and anxiety have a certain way of stealing the joy from things, of taking the sweetness out of life and that makes me sad and a little angry with myself. Just another facet of the experience of a person with generalized anxiety disorder. But I do have the support of my husband which makes everything better and a new method of treatment in the form of my Rove pen (see previous post for details, and please do read it if you personally suffer from chronic pain or anxiety because what i found was LIFE CHANGING).
As always, if you have an experience you would like to share or advice for any of the things mentioned here, please do comment on this post and I WILL answer promptly.
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