Why cremation is patriotic
With all the buzz and fuss about zombies and the apocalypse, I have one very serious question: why in the fuck is anyone still doing burials?! The zombie apocalypse is coming, I think we all see the signs. Cartoonishly evil overlords have overthrown and replaced all major government offices, extreme weather events continue to crop up and plague all areas of the world due to man made climate change, Prince is dead and Nickleback is still together. Sooner or later the dead will begin to rise from their graves and eat those of us that remain. Why else would there be so many tricked-out Jeep Wranglers with "Zombie Response Team" stickers on them, cruising down the road, roof mounted machine guns locked and loaded, ready to take on the undead hordes? And yet, there are still some selfish motherfuckers out there who are having themselves and their loved ones buried instead of cremated. Disgusting. My fellow Americans, it is time to face the truth. We are not all going to make i...