Adventures, Misadventures , Reflections and Profanity

Tomorrow is my birthday, and I will be 30 years old. For months my friends and family have been expressing their condolences that my 20s are coming to an end, and the women I know are all either telling me about how much they dreaded turning 30, or how much they are dreading turning 30. Well, I'm here to tell you I just really don't mind at all. My twenties sucked. I guess not a lot of people feel that way about that decade of their lives, I hear people say things all the time like "oh, if I was in my twenties again..." seeming to long for those days. But my twenties were a minefield of tragedy, hard lessons and grief. I realize that most people romanticize the era of their post-adolescence, remembering with fondness the struggles of burgeoning adulthood, of cramming for college finals and week-long benders, the smell of an all-night kegger, the fear of running from the police with your drunk friends, fighting with roommates, late night trips to the coffee shop, and

Someone recently asked me about my first job. I actually had to sit and think for a few minutes to recall what my first job even was, as I have had dozens of jobs over the years. After some time, I finally recalled it. I worked at a dry cleaners which was walking distance from my home when I was 15 years old. I had just become officially fifteen and a half years old, and at the time, that was the legal age to get a job where I grew up. There was a bulletin board in the library of my high school where local businesses advertised the positions they were currently hiring teens for. I was a student aide to the library department, and I would see business owners come in all the time to post up their listings on the board. Most of the time they were retail jobs or burger flipping jobs, nothing I really wanted to do and all of which were too far from my home to be able to reliably get to. Then one day, a short, stocky, bald man that looked like a Jim Henson puppet waddled into the library a

With all the buzz and fuss about zombies and the apocalypse, I have one very serious question: why in the fuck is anyone still doing burials?! The zombie apocalypse is coming, I think we all see the signs. Cartoonishly evil overlords have overthrown and replaced all major government offices, extreme weather events continue to crop up and plague all areas of the world due to man made climate change, Prince is dead and Nickleback is still together. Sooner or later the dead will begin to rise from their graves and eat those of us that remain. Why else would there be so many tricked-out Jeep Wranglers with "Zombie Response Team" stickers on them, cruising down the road, roof mounted machine guns locked and loaded, ready to take on the undead hordes? And yet, there are still some selfish motherfuckers out there who are having themselves and their loved ones buried instead of cremated. Disgusting. My fellow Americans, it is time to face the truth. We are not all going to make i

There are many things in life which I enjoy. I like good car shows, barbeque, sushi, waffles, sushi on my waffles (yes really), cartoons, commercials (also yes really) and going to the park to meet the pets of strangers. I also like rap music.  For a little context, I am a 29 year old white woman from Norther Nevada, currently living in Las Vegas. I have literally nothing in common with rap culture and I think I actually understand very little of the lingo used in the genre, but nonetheless, I do enjoy a good beat and a smooth rhyme. There is something fantastically visceral and expressive about the medium of rap music and I have very gradually become a fan over the years.  At the end of a long workday, when I am all stressed out and feeling some aimless, vague rage that comes with fatigue and the daily grind, I like to turn up the volume on some West Side Connection, Digital Underground, or Mix-A-Lot during my long commute home. This is America and I am entitled to listen to wh

Well, today is Wednesday and I first tried my new Kush cartridge on Sunday. So, how does this strain stack up against Ape after three days? Pretty fucking well! The Kush tastes like blueberry muffins, no joke, it seriously does. The high is less heady and less severe than the high of the Ape strain cartridge. For me this is an advantage. I always have so much stuff I need to do, things I need to do, research I need to complete, assignments to devise... I just don't have time to be laid out by whatever I am puffin on. the draws are smooth and tasty, but the best part is the physical benefits. I was skeptical when I read the description of this flavor, claiming to be effective in calming muscle spasms, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that my skepticism was unjustified, it works wonders for muscle spasms!! Within just a few short minutes of one good sized draw, I can feel the tension in my right shoulder, my left knee and both my feet start to release. And that is when thin

Well, after three weeks of puffing on my Ape Strain cartridge from Rove Brand cannabis extraction vapes, the little half gram of wonderful cannabis oil has finally started to deplete. I imagine I would have gotten more time out of the little thing if I didn't go on vacation a week ago and let everyone in Northern Nevada try out my handy dandy little stealth rig. That being the case, 3 weeks is pretty damned impressive! After all the tasty good times I had with my Ape cartridge, I wanted to try something new. I went to my local dispensary and talked to my favorite budtender. She is also an avid user of Rove products and advised I give the Kush flavor a shot. Here's the breakdown: Total THC: 69.59% Total CBD: 2.65% Total CBN: 1.89% Total CBG: 3.12% The total active cannabinoids: 79.59% What do all these numbers mean? the Kush cannabis oil cartridge is an indica dominant hybrid blend which is ideal for treating pain, nausea, easing stress, and calming muscle spasms. It i

I went camping a few days ago. I was in a blissful woodland wonderland, enjoying the sound of a perfect babbling creek, tending a little fire, sipping tea and coffee and watching the clouds and birds. It was serene and wonderful and perfect, and best of all, there was no WiFi and there was no cell signal. No phone calls, no notifications, no internet. Just me, my husband, and the glory of nature. It was perfect. When it was time to pack up and go home, I knew there would be some news to catch up on, but I didn't realize that I was going to come home to find that we are apparently having to deal with freaking Nazis. The events that took place in Charlottesville, VA while I was away flooded my news feed and I struggled to get caught up. If you're out of the loop, here's what happened: On Friday, August 11th, 2017, members of tow major white supremacy organizations gathered together in Charlottesville, VA in what they called a "Unite The Right" rally, meant to en

I have come to learn that this thing we call grief is really just love. It is love for the person we have lost, but we can no longer give to that person because they are no longer with us. All of the unspent love gathers in our eyes and pours forth as tears. It collects in our chest to form that hard, painful lump that makes it hard to breathe. It gathers in our throats and makes our voice catch all hard and sharp when we speak about them. We don't stop loving someone when they die. If we did, there would be no such thing as grief. That love turns to longing and that longing turns to pain when it cannot be satisfied because the thing we are longing for is the return of the person whom we miss so terribly. Some days I am OK. I can go one entire day now without crying, without feeling sorry for myself, without experiencing that crushing feeling of despair, and that is progress. But then there are so many more days that are like today. The grief is too much and it rises in my ches

Well, I made it back from our trip across Nevada and back again. It was a journey, that much is true. It started with a drive from Las Vegas to Reno early last Friday morning. the nearly 500 miles long road trip takes about 8 hours to complete and by mid-afternoon, we were sitting in my sister's living room in down town Reno, unloading our things from the car and getting ready to head over to Sparks to take in the sights of their Friday night Hot August Nights celebration. If you don't know what Hot August Nights is, check it out here: https://hotaugustnights.net/ It is the largest gathering of classic cars in the world and it takes place each year in the month of August in the Reno/Sparks area. If you're into American muscle, this is definitely your scene. Our plan was to see the parade in Sparks on Friday night, then check out the happenings in Reno on Saturday night. We did manage to accomplish both of these goals quite handily and I was thrilled to see so many wond

I am from a place called Sparks, Nevada, but 10 years ago I moved to Las Vegas, NV and I have lived here ever since. Tomorrow is the day my husband and I will be driving from Las Vegas, NV to Reno, NV. For those of you who have never been to the wild west, it is a 9 hour drive north across the 7th largest state in the union. It is presently August and this 450 mile drive will take us across some of the the driest, hottest terrain in North America. This might sound like a nightmare to you, but Nevada is my home state. If you have never been here before, there is a lot you don't know, and what you might think you do know is probably wrong. So, here is the skinny on Nevada from an actual local. First things first! It is pronounced Nuh-Va-Duh. Do NOT EVER say Ne-VAH-duh, or the locals will identify you as a tourist and if it is tourist season it is legal for them to shoot at you. The next thing you need to know is that while Las Vegas is the biggest and most populous city in our fine

I used to get migraines. Have you ever had a migraine before? It is like a headache, but so much worse. It starts with some vague nausea and fatigue. Then the pain begins, usually behind my eyes and that is when the light sensitivity creeps in and I find myself squinting in even dimly lit rooms. Gradually the pain increased and eventually explodes, peaking with exposure to light or sound. The only thing I can do then is lay down in a dark room in silence and do nothing, waiting for it to go away, which can take hours, or sometimes, even days. Migraines are hell. I used to get them 1 to 5 times a month and it was severely impacting my life in a very negative way. You can't really get much done when you're floored by horrible pain that makes you vomit. I had a really wonderful boyfriend at the time (whom I have since married). He happened to come across an article about theories on why women suffer from migraines at a rate so much higher than men. The most promising theory was

I suppose after a while this writing topic is going to get old, but it hasn't yet! As my journey with the Rove vape and the Ape strain I am current puffing on continues, I continue to be impressed. Yesterday I tried out its recreational qualities, by which I mean, I wanted to see if I could get solidly stoned as much as I could if I were smoking a joint or hitting a bong. When I got home from work, I reached into my purse and pulled out my little tiny Rove vape pen. I held down the button and decided to try to inhale a vapor cloud as big as my lungs could manage. This proved to be unwise because at the bottom of my drag I started coughing so hard I could barely breath. I had to spit several times and it took almost a full minute for me to recover from the dumb thing I had just done. When I finally stopped coughing I grabbed all my stuff and went inside. By the time I made it to my living room I was honestly as high as I have ever been. Before you go scoffing at me, here is a little

Three days ago I replaced my painkillers with a marijuana oil vaporizer which I purchased legally at a local dispensary here in Las Vegas, NV. The results have been astounding. I have gone three whole days without my usual nightly Norco, and that has been HUGE! The Norco is indeed effective at treating pain, but the list of side effects is brutal: nausea, irritability, anxiety, occasional vomiting, constipation, stomach pain, liver pain and dual flank pain caused by stressed kidneys. The only side effects that I have experienced from the marijuana oil vaporizer have been a slight increase in appetite. That's really it! In addition to the very obvious physical benefits, I have experienced incredible relief from my general anxiety and depression. It isn't like magic or anything, just that nasty hard edge that anxiety tends to put on everything I experience is softened enough that I can get through my day and all the thoughts in my head with much more clarity. This is very diffe

I have been attending a support group for grieving people (which I discussed in an earlier blog post) following the loss of my mother, grandmother, uncle and grandfather all in the last 18 months. This support group meets at a Baptist church and the content of the support offered is Christian-based. I am not personally a Christian but I have no biases against Christians as individuals and trying to just muscle through my sadness, anger and grief on my own was bringing me no progress, only pain, so I elected to try something new. My second meeting was yesterday. These meetings all go the same way. We get together, eat mediocre snacks, and briefly discuss our week before opening the provided guided "Workbook" and watching a short video on this week's theme. The videos are produced by a Christian married couple and much of the content is related to "surrendering your grief and sadness to God so that he may lift this burden from your heart" and various re-phrasin

I have some days off coming up and they happen to fall on my husband's birthday so we have elected to go out of town and head north to go see me family. While we are there we plan to do many things, including going for a camping trip for part of our vacation together. I absolutely LOVE camping and I have not been in many years so I am very much looking forward to it, but when it comes to planning a trip out of town, I have mixed feelings. There is of course the excitement of a change in the routine and getting to go do fun things while not working, but here I am, three days and a wake up from our departure date, and I am already exhausted just thinking about everything that needs to be done. There is also the anxiety of visiting my family. My husband is gracious enough to agree to spend his birthday trip with his in-laws, but I can already sense tension surrounding the idea. My family and my husband are VERY different people (a big part of why I love him so much!), and in the pas

The experiment of using cannabis to treat my extreme menstrual discomfort was an astounding success. I did not use one single narcotic pain pill nor did I feel the urge to reach for alcohol to soothe and dull my sharp cramps. I was blown away. Additionally, the pain in my left knee which is ever present was also calmed quite a bit, reducing to a distant ache rather than the white hot needle pain that I have grown so used to. The biggest benefit, however, was the huge reduction in my anxiety. Over the course of a few days, I finished both of the joints I had purchased. While the benefits were fairly incredible, the economy of this type of medicine was not so incredible. I cannot afford to spend $42 every three days. I was feeling disheartened about the cost, but my husband advised that we go back to the dispensary and talk to the experts about it and see what they advise. So back we went to the dispensary. The same staff greeted us warmly and we were shown into the sales room. I spoke

So it has been over a year since the Pokemon Go! phenomena first launched, and I am not at all ashamed to say that I have been a player ever since. A lot of people got real cynical and mean about how excited the players all were, but I just have never understood what the hell there is to be so mad about! It is a free app that you download on your phone that immediately encouraged people to get outside, go for walks, get exercise and socialize in a perfectly harmless way while filling the world with whimsical little cartoon creatures. What is so bad about that? Oh! And the people talking the most trash usually have Candy Crush installed on their phones, like that is somehow less stupid than Pokemon Go!... Right. LOL. It is hard to go out looking for the little bastards in the summer time when the weather is so dreadfully hot, but I still get out and go "hunting" once in a while. Last summer when the app first launched, every park in the city was filled with people of all a

This year I completed all of the credits required for my bachelor's degree except for one single class. The class in question began on the very day my mother died this year. As a result I missed most of the class because I was overcome with grief and anxiety. After that it was impossible to catch up and the result was the only class I ever failed in my entire college career. I have to make up those three elective credits before I can obtain my diploma. I have been using the website StraighterLine.com to take the class. I have presently completed everything in the class except for the final exam. My current grade is 91%, but I have been putting off the final exam for over two months. Why is that? Well, I will tell you. I have opened up the computer multiple times over the past several weeks with the intention of taking the stupid final exam and then getting my credits and moving on with my life by obtaining my bachelor's degree and likely moving forward to grad school. When I

Warning! This post contains graphic descriptions of menstrual distress and the discussion of drugs which are now legal to consume n the state of Nevada. Yesterday I had a surprise day off from work in the middle of the week. My homeschooling student wasn't feeling well and so his parents cancelled school. This doesn't happen often, but when it does I like to make the most out of the day and try to be as productive as possible. I have been intending to use some old rope I had laying around to make my first attempt at a rope rug for my shop and so at 7:30am, I busted out the rope, my hot glue gun, and the Netflix and got to some early morning crafting. It was really wonderful to sit, enjoy my iced coffee that I would usually be trying to drink as fast as possible on the freeway on my way to work and to just do some mindless craft work. That kind of crafting is on the short list of things that actually relax me (sex, laughing, crafting, eating is pretty much the whole list). So

I got mine back. That is all.

Managing my emotions is a thing I have always struggled with. I cannot remember a time when I didn't feel entirely ruled by the chemical and electrical goings on in my brain that are entirely outside of my control. It feels like there is a creature inside of me that consumes my experiences and expels reactions to those experiences that don't align with reality at all. Intellectually I know it is happening, I know that my instinctive responses to things are out of line with what has really taken place, but knowing it intellectually and being able to stop it or control it aren't the same thing. Today I am feeling so anxious and defeated that it is making me physically ill. I have been battling literal nausea for most of the day, twice dry heaving at work. My heart has been racing and I feel like I am in a state of "fight or flight", which you can't actually maintain for more than a few minutes, but I have been like this all day. I feel caught in a loop of pani