A comprehensive guide for women dealing with jerks on the internet: Men can read too!
As long as I have been using the internet, I have been dealing with sexual harassment. I know this is nothing new, I know I'm not the only one, and I know that writing honestly about it is very likely to illicit yet more harassment, but all the same, I believe that remaining silent serves only to permit the nastiest of behaviors in our fiber-optically linked society. So here it goes. A comprehensive guide to dealing with an abusive asshole on the internet:
First things first! I do realize that most people are perfectly decent and reasonable and that not all men are lecherous, ignorant scum bags. Most men do not appreciate being automatically lumped in with the legions of jerks which exist in cyber space. This post is not directed at reasonable men who do not abuse, belittle or intimidate women. This post is directed at the dick-pic sending assholes that think all women online owe them attention and interaction.
Did you know that many men think that just by being a woman with a Twitter account, he is automatically entitled to message me at 2am and demand pictures of my vagina? This is something that doesn't happen to men like it does to women, and while these sorts of messages are harassing and annoying, they are no where near the worst thing that women experience on Twitter. The worst is the threats of rape and violence that we can be sure to receive if we express our opinion. And I do mean any opinion.
If you have an opinion about something, there is always someone else out there who has an opinion that differs from your own, that is a given, but if you are a woman and you express that opinion online, there is a better than fair chance that you will receive some of the most heinous messages you could ever imagine, including threats to hunt you down, rape and kill you. This might seem extreme, and it really fucking is, but the sad thing is just how common this sort of thing is. As a video game enthusiast, I once engaged in an online discussion about the new Call of Duty game that was coming out. A question was put out to the group "Who has plans to throw a COD release party?" Somewhere in the discussion I commented "not me, never could get into the COD games, or FPS in general, but it is crazy to see how excited every one is!". I was immediately flamed with the most hateful language. people commented back with "fuck you, you fucking whore! COD rules!", "That's because sluts can't game for shit! Da fuck you know about FPS?" , "COD is life! Bitches like you deserve to be raped in public by real gamers!". This went on for over an hour until the moderator finally caught it and shut down the thread. The comments were horrific. I didn't even say anything bad about COD, just that it wasn't my preferred kind of game, but even if I said "COD sucks!", it doesn't make it OK to threaten me with rape and violence. And I can't believe I even have to say that explicitly, but here we are, and I do have to say it explicitly because there are many guys online who apparently need to be told that it isn't ok to threaten to ill and rape people.
What happened in the gaming forum is an example of hateful threats and violence being made in a collective setting. One douche bag fires off something nasty and then all the smaller, more timid douche bags spring into action to agree and tack on their own violent, sexist drivel. One troll speaks, and the rest follow. It's hurtful and infuriating, but that isn't the only thing we have to deal with. It gets worse.
I modeled for a number of years in my early 20s, and part of that means self promotion online. I never did any nude, or even really risque photos, I just took the jobs that looked fun to me, so long as they didn't require nudity. Whenever I would post pics form a new set, the comments would rol in, most of which were harmless enough, but one day, I started to receive the creepiest direct messages about a shoot I had done. The guy writing the messages said that since I wore blue for two shoots in a row and blue is his favorite color, that he knew in his heart that I posed for all those photos just for him, and "if you know what is good for you, you will just admit it already and start taking the photos you know.". It was one of the weirdest and creepiest things I had ever been sent. I responded back with "I don't know you, I didn't take these photos for you, this is just how I make my living." I naively thought that would be the end of it, but it wasn't. In less than ten minutes, he messaged me back, angry this time: "We both know you're my dirty little whore, now go take a pic of that cunt and send it to me now or I swear I will find you and take whats mine u little bitch.". WHAT IN THE SERIOUS FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! This all happened on FaceBook. Luckily enough for me, he had one of those profiles that lists all of his family members by name and relation, so I took screen shots of everything he had sent me and immediately posted it all on my public wall, and then I sent it all as direct messages to his mother, aunt and sister to let them know how he was treated other women. I figured that would be enough to put out the fire, and it was. Ever since then, it has been my policy to immediately post anything threatening that is sent to me in public with links to their online profiles if possible. These people are like cockroaches, they only go away when you expose them to the light.
After the awful experience I had with the troll about my modeling pics, I just figured I would not engage in any conversation with someone who sends me creepy messages ever again. That should solve the problem, right? WRONG! From then on when a creeper messaged me it went something like this:
Message 1: hey there sexy, how's it going?
Message 2: you there?
Message 3: I know ur seeing my messages, just answer, stop playin!
Message 4: you sum kinda stuck up bitch?
Message 5: whatever whore you too good to answer someone who tryin to give you compliments, fuck you then up your stupid ass!
Even if I don't answer, I can expect a fair number of angry, hateful and sometimes violent messages. There is no way to win!
For me the saddest thing is that these people didn't just come out of nowhere. They have always been around, always been among us, lurking and waiting for the internet to give them the anonymity that emboldens them to send the most horrible messages they can think of. I really think the only way to win is to not to engage in any conversation with obvious douche bags, and then if they persist in sending graphic, gross, hateful or threatening messages to you, take screen shots and post it publicly every where you possibly can. I also highly recommend sending the screenshots to the family of the person harassing you if possible. It is amazing just how fast that person will vanish from your life, never to be heard from again. The reason for this is that people who hide behind a keyboard, getting of on making others feel fearful for their own safety are really nothing more than boring cowards. These scum-sucking bottom feeders lack the ability to stand up to any kind of scrutiny for their actions.
And that's it for me today. If you have any personal stories to share that are related to this, please do so in the comments.
How much hate mail do you think I'll get for this one?
Did you know that many men think that just by being a woman with a Twitter account, he is automatically entitled to message me at 2am and demand pictures of my vagina? This is something that doesn't happen to men like it does to women, and while these sorts of messages are harassing and annoying, they are no where near the worst thing that women experience on Twitter. The worst is the threats of rape and violence that we can be sure to receive if we express our opinion. And I do mean any opinion.
If you have an opinion about something, there is always someone else out there who has an opinion that differs from your own, that is a given, but if you are a woman and you express that opinion online, there is a better than fair chance that you will receive some of the most heinous messages you could ever imagine, including threats to hunt you down, rape and kill you. This might seem extreme, and it really fucking is, but the sad thing is just how common this sort of thing is. As a video game enthusiast, I once engaged in an online discussion about the new Call of Duty game that was coming out. A question was put out to the group "Who has plans to throw a COD release party?" Somewhere in the discussion I commented "not me, never could get into the COD games, or FPS in general, but it is crazy to see how excited every one is!". I was immediately flamed with the most hateful language. people commented back with "fuck you, you fucking whore! COD rules!", "That's because sluts can't game for shit! Da fuck you know about FPS?" , "COD is life! Bitches like you deserve to be raped in public by real gamers!". This went on for over an hour until the moderator finally caught it and shut down the thread. The comments were horrific. I didn't even say anything bad about COD, just that it wasn't my preferred kind of game, but even if I said "COD sucks!", it doesn't make it OK to threaten me with rape and violence. And I can't believe I even have to say that explicitly, but here we are, and I do have to say it explicitly because there are many guys online who apparently need to be told that it isn't ok to threaten to ill and rape people.
What happened in the gaming forum is an example of hateful threats and violence being made in a collective setting. One douche bag fires off something nasty and then all the smaller, more timid douche bags spring into action to agree and tack on their own violent, sexist drivel. One troll speaks, and the rest follow. It's hurtful and infuriating, but that isn't the only thing we have to deal with. It gets worse.
I modeled for a number of years in my early 20s, and part of that means self promotion online. I never did any nude, or even really risque photos, I just took the jobs that looked fun to me, so long as they didn't require nudity. Whenever I would post pics form a new set, the comments would rol in, most of which were harmless enough, but one day, I started to receive the creepiest direct messages about a shoot I had done. The guy writing the messages said that since I wore blue for two shoots in a row and blue is his favorite color, that he knew in his heart that I posed for all those photos just for him, and "if you know what is good for you, you will just admit it already and start taking the photos you know.". It was one of the weirdest and creepiest things I had ever been sent. I responded back with "I don't know you, I didn't take these photos for you, this is just how I make my living." I naively thought that would be the end of it, but it wasn't. In less than ten minutes, he messaged me back, angry this time: "We both know you're my dirty little whore, now go take a pic of that cunt and send it to me now or I swear I will find you and take whats mine u little bitch.". WHAT IN THE SERIOUS FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! This all happened on FaceBook. Luckily enough for me, he had one of those profiles that lists all of his family members by name and relation, so I took screen shots of everything he had sent me and immediately posted it all on my public wall, and then I sent it all as direct messages to his mother, aunt and sister to let them know how he was treated other women. I figured that would be enough to put out the fire, and it was. Ever since then, it has been my policy to immediately post anything threatening that is sent to me in public with links to their online profiles if possible. These people are like cockroaches, they only go away when you expose them to the light.
After the awful experience I had with the troll about my modeling pics, I just figured I would not engage in any conversation with someone who sends me creepy messages ever again. That should solve the problem, right? WRONG! From then on when a creeper messaged me it went something like this:
Message 1: hey there sexy, how's it going?
Message 2: you there?
Message 3: I know ur seeing my messages, just answer, stop playin!
Message 4: you sum kinda stuck up bitch?
Message 5: whatever whore you too good to answer someone who tryin to give you compliments, fuck you then up your stupid ass!
Even if I don't answer, I can expect a fair number of angry, hateful and sometimes violent messages. There is no way to win!
For me the saddest thing is that these people didn't just come out of nowhere. They have always been around, always been among us, lurking and waiting for the internet to give them the anonymity that emboldens them to send the most horrible messages they can think of. I really think the only way to win is to not to engage in any conversation with obvious douche bags, and then if they persist in sending graphic, gross, hateful or threatening messages to you, take screen shots and post it publicly every where you possibly can. I also highly recommend sending the screenshots to the family of the person harassing you if possible. It is amazing just how fast that person will vanish from your life, never to be heard from again. The reason for this is that people who hide behind a keyboard, getting of on making others feel fearful for their own safety are really nothing more than boring cowards. These scum-sucking bottom feeders lack the ability to stand up to any kind of scrutiny for their actions.
And that's it for me today. If you have any personal stories to share that are related to this, please do so in the comments.
How much hate mail do you think I'll get for this one?
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