Adventures, Misadventures , Reflections and Profanity

Yesterday I tried something that I have never done before: I attended a support group for grieving people. Having lost 4 very important people in less than two years, the most recent of which was my mother in January, I have been struggling with grief and anger and exhaustion from it all. the anger and grief has started to make me a bitter person and I have caught myself being cold or short with people that I love, and that just isn't acceptable to me. I started researching online for some resources for free grief counseling. Being a teacher, there just isn't a lot of extra money to go around, so it was imperative to find something for free. My first choice was to find a grief counselor of some kind, but unfortunately one on one counseling just isn't ever free, or even affordable from what I could find, which I guess makes sense. That left support groups, which honestly scared the crap out of me. the thought of sitting and crying in a room full of strangers sounded like a t

Well, the change in weather has remained over night and I haven't been let down by the wave of energy yet. I still have this feeling of positivity that I am doing my best to maintain. I feel good about doing things I love doing, which is really nice because in times when I am feeling low, the things I usually enjoy very much bring me no joy at all. I was able to finish a shawl I had been working on for close to two weeks. Being able to finish something, especially a crochet project seems like it is simple and almost inconsequential, but the completion of a craft project makes me feel good down to my soul. I guess that might sound silly to someone who doesn't craft and isn't some kind of weird basket case like me, but being able to finish something that I made myself by hand from start to finish is one of my very favorite parts of life. The shawl itself is nothing really special, it is a basic triangle pattern designed to be draped over your shoulders. I have made this same

Several years ago I was in a pretty serious motor sports accident which left me with a dislocated and de-arranged knee, multiple contusions, a concussion, extreme whiplash and general badness all up and down my back. Things have never really been the same ever since and I live with some amount of leg and back pain pretty much all of the time no matter what, but there are times when all these old injuries get aggravated and the muscles in my neck and back twist and bind up for days at a time. The pain is immense and there is pretty much nothing anyone can do but give me some anti-inflammatory meds and tell me to just wait it out. The last two days have been bad for the pain. My right shoulder is always the worst because I am right handed. I have been bound up from the tips of my fingers all the way up my arm, and all the way up into my neck where the pain spills downward into my upper back and it finally all feels like it sort of pools under my right shoulder blade. I used to be in trea

Yesterday I was given the gift of a day off in the middle of the week. I had all sorts of intentions for being as productive as possible. There is always so much to get done around the house and I usually fall very far behind simply because there is so little time to actually get it all done. I started the day by cleaning out the garage with my husband, something we have been meaning to do for over two weeks, but hadn't been able to get around to doing. When did I get so much stuff?! And why do I feel the need to have accumulated more things than actually fit inside of my home? What is even the point of that?! As we were going through boxes and getting rid of things and sorting the rest, I felt my anxiety rise up inside of me and with it, the inevitable self-hatred that always comes along with it. I feel this way a lot lately, actually. Just overwhelmed and lost and afraid and just plain low. It is hard to describe, but if I am being honest it has been going on for close to 18 mont

Well, I really done it now. Yesterday I managed to anger everyone around me and embarrass myself (and others) so completely that I'm genuinely concerned that there might be no way back from here. It all started with mimosas. It all ended in tears. See, my sister is here for a visit. She got into Vegas midmorning. I was going to cook us breakfast, but then my husband had the idea of going to our favourite buffet brunch spot. Going to the buffet means there's no dishes to do, everyone eats what they want, and, of course, bottomless mimosas, of which both my sister and myself had many. When we got home, the party kept on keeping on and there was definitely too many glasses of wine. I can't get into specifics at this point without potentially exposing the private lives of others, but I can say that the evening changed, I experienced some intense fear over what turned out to be really nothing, but that was apparently all I needed to completely nuke the day for everyone. I wish

This must be the millionth blog I have tried to start. I don't know why, but every time I start a blog, I never seem to make it past the first three posts. In fact, any time I try to start anything I seem to have a hard time staying consistent. My home is filled with half finished craft projects, all representations of good ideas gone awry. If you aren't the kind of person who has trouble finishing things, you probably don't understand. But if you are, if you are also forgetful, tend toward procrastination, or suffer from manic depression then you know exactly what I am talking about. The burst of energy and creativity that inspires the craft or piece of writing or new task rarely last long enough to carry me through its completion and what I am most often left with is a sense of emptiness and failure. It seems simple enough and I hear it from the people around me in one way or another pretty often: "if you want to finish things, then just FINISH THINGS." And yes,